I
don’t believe that fairy tales would be happened in a realistic world, but it’s
funny, or I should say it is sarcastic, I’ve been expecting subconsciously that
a fairy tale will appear in my life…
Is
our story a fairy tale?
************************************
There
are usually two voices in my head. One of them told me, “This man is the one
for you, you should spend the rest of your life to be with him”. Usually, this
voice conduct my mind, I following this voice most of the time.
But,
another one voice always knew how to grab a chance, take any advantage to
against. Such as, “You have been single for more than 15 years, didn’t rely on
a man…Are you sure that you are going to leave your mom, to give up all of you
have here because of him? Is he worth it?” Or voice like, “You already have
taken an adventure because of love once, are you serious considering to take a
risk one more time? You are not young any more, cannot afford loss.”…
These
two voices fight frequently in my head, my mind struggling at times, so I retreated
at times…
************************************
You
must know, there will be lots of things we need to go through and many problems
we need to solve together if we decided to be together.
I
am wondering if you did any search to learn what we should do so I could stay
in the US a long term?
Have
you searched how “work visa” works as you told me that you were going to figure
out?
Are
you looking for the day I can live with you?
************************************
You
often said, you are afraid that I would not love you when I get to know you
very well, or said words like, you are curious about why I put up with you…
But
do you know that I have the same fears? What if one day you no longer tolerate
my stubbornness? Or you eventually figure out that you dislike some of my
personalities which causes you don’t love me anymore?
Also,
I am very sensitive, sometimes even suspicious a little bit…and, if I get
suspicious on something, I am used to analyze the matter, the situation, the
issue…I got to say, I am good at analysis.
Can
you adjust that?
************************************
One
thing I thought about it often is, you are really a Sunshine boy, you enjoy
sunshine, enjoy outdoors, but, I am afraid of sunshine, I cannot have a lot of
sunlight. Sunlight can cause me in troubles of health…I might not be able to
join your many outdoors, can you accept that kind of me?
************************************
Keep
distance from people makes me feel safer; I am afraid to give my promise; it
makes me insecure when loving someone; being alone usually makes me feel comfortable
and peaceful…
To
be honest, I am not brave to face love. I am scared of failure.
I
know my weak part, I use a cold and detached appearance as an armor to protect
myself…Yes, it is just like you said, I built walls…
Would
I being alone until die?
I
hate this thought! This thought fears me…
************************************
Is
our story a Fairy Tale?
No,
I don’t think so.
I
would rather to believe, it is a Destiny.
