Love & Forever

不記得有多少次，我都以為我們該會走不下去了，我甚至都已經準備要放棄，卻總在岌岌可危的懸崖邊緣時，被你拉了回去。而每一次的被你拉回，我的心就奇怪的又靠近你一些。

親愛的，有些話我真想告訴你。。。

你說，你生命中的兩個女人—你孩子的母親，還有你兩個好朋友的妻子都認為你是個asshole，那麼你是不是該檢討一下自己？如果你不是，那就不要管別人如何評論你；如果你覺得好像有那麼回事，那麼你是不是應該試著有所改變？

因為愛一個人，我們往往願意為他/她而變得更好。假設，你是真心喜歡我，你應該是想著如何改掉你很不好的地方，而不是問我能否忍受？或者疑惑，我能忍耐你多久？這就好比說，我就是這麼個爛人，你若愛我，就得照單全收。

你問我，能否全心全意愛你？guarantee forever就像我問你的那樣？我想，你我都無法guarantee forever，但我相信在真心誠意許諾的時候，我們都衷心期許那會是forever。。。

你知道嗎？我是真的認真考慮住到你的城市陪伴你，甚至思考該要好好計畫如何進行，如果我不夠愛你，我如何能抉擇離開我的母親，我的親人，我的朋友(雖然沒有幾個)，我滿意的工作，我熟悉的一切…為你，遠走異國？

萬一你發現你其實不愛我，我該如何？如果有人因為不喜歡亞洲人所以欺負我，你會保護我到何種程度？萬一你的母親或某個好友藐視我，你會怎麼辦？

這麼多的《如果》，這麼多的《未知》，我卻依然想要在你身邊陪著你，你說，我這樣夠不夠愛你呢？

There were so many times, I thought our relationship could not work out, I even thought about to quit…but, every time you pulled me back to you, just like pulled me back from the edge of a cliff. And, it is strange, my heart was even closer to you when each time you pulled me back…

My dear, you asked me, can I guarantee the same thing which I asked you? To love you with whole heart forever…

I think, either one of us cannot guarantee forever, but I do believe when we sincerely give words to each other, we all wish, it will be forever. That is the meaning of “forever” to me.

And dear, I do serious considering to be with you, to live with you in your city. I even considered that I should make a plan so we will learn what processes we need to proceed.

If I don’t care about you so much, if I don’t love you much enough, you think I would leave my mom, my friends, my job, the everything I familiar here, then fly to a total different world where is so far away from where my root is, just because of you…

Surely I do have questions on my mind at the same time…

What if you found that you don’t love me just in a short term, what should I do then? What if someone gave me grief just because he/she doesn’t like Asians, how would you protect me? What if your mom or some friends despised me for some reason, what would you do to defend for me? …

So many “unknowns”, so much stuff “unsure”, but still, I want to be with you, my mind has not changed.

So now you tell me, if I love you?

My dear, I hope, it is worth it to love you.